Confession No. 56 – Please, just get to the point.
Many people think of me as a windbag. Some also believe that arrogance flows through my veins. Possibly so on both counts, but one thing’s for sure — I’m a man of double standards.
Especially when it comes to conversations.
In short, I much prefer being behind life’s virtual podium to being on the audience side. Here are a few real-life examples why:
The ‘upright’ pyramid
Scene ~ I’m getting ready for work, running behind and the phone rings.
Me: Hello.
Wife: Hey. Have you left yet?
Me: No, I’m trying though. What’s up?
Wife: Well, I was driving down Rockwall Street and Alexandra was talking and the car felt a little funny.
Me: Yes? And?
Wife: I told Alex to hush, so I could ask her whether she felt the car riding funny.
Me: Catherine! Can you get to the damn bottom line?
Wife: I had a flat.
Me: Where are you?
Wife: I’m on the loop, headed toward …
Me: Wait! So you don’t need me to come put on the spare?
Wife: No. A guy saw us and turned around and aired up the tire. He said it could make it to the school and then to the tire store.
The ‘WTH? TMI!’ story
Scene ~ Another evening around the radio, awaiting the fireside chats.
Wife: So, one of my patients today has a trach [sic] and is on a vent. He suffers from RAD and I have to chart his vitals on the MAR every 10 minutes.
Me: Outstanding. So, you earned your money…
Wife: …And his mom is more worried that he has gelatin with his creamed peas.
Me: Really? How interesting. But not as neat as all the acronyms.
Wife: So, as I’m giving him O2 and pushing his meds, she wants to talk to me about her husband’s job on the railroad.
Me: Wow! Does he work on the railroad all the live-long day? Seriously though, I’m impressed. Does he wear one of those nifty conductor hats?
Wife: Well, before that, he was unemployed for a few years, but they always managed to find money for cigarettes.
Me: Oh, the humanity.
Wife: Anyway, I’m trying to measure dram for dram — because this kid was over-medicated once before and had seizures for 30 minutes…
Me: OK. Not to be rude, but what are you trying to tell me?
Wife: What I’m trying to say is, can you believe that they prefer Pepsi over Coke?
The ‘Boy Scout Law’ Conversation
Scene ~ I’m late to a meeting with the boss
Salesman: Hey, Adam!
Me: Howdy! Good to see you. How are you?
Him: I’ll be honest with you man, I’m working my tail off.
Me: Good! You know what they say about idle hands.
Him: I’ll be honest with you, this is one of my best years ever.
Me: That’s because you’re good at what you do. Plus, you are good-looking for an old man.
Him: That’s what I like about you … always speaking your mind.
Me: Well, you did get me the correct planner inserts this year.
Him: I’ll be honest with you, that company is not easy to deal with.
— 20 minutes later —
Me: Well, I’ve just about missed my whole meeting with the boss.
Him: I know you have to go, but I’ll be honest with you … I think the Longhorns will beat the Sooners this year. I mean, have you seen their backfield?
And finally … the ‘Scare Tactic’ talk
Scene ~ I’m watching ‘Family Guy’ and the doorbell rings.
Me: Good evening.
Lady in denim skirt, hair in bun and no makeup: Hi, Sir. If you died today, do you think you’d go to Heaven?
Me: I certainly hope so.
Lady: But do you know so, Sir?
— 20 minutes later —
Me: So, you’re saying that it’s OK for me to drink beer … since we’re all sinners anyway?
Her: Sir, I’m actually just inviting you to attend my church.
Admittedly, my oft one-sidedness doesn’t bother me one bit. But, if you want to invite me somewhere, stop by for a brief ‘hello’ or tell me something important, please … just do it. Unless you prefer the sound of your own spin … like me.
If you like what you’ve read here, or enjoy my recipes, I’d love to have you join me on Facebook by hitting the ‘like’ button.
Two of the following recipes were inspired by La Mansion del Prado, a restaurant in Reynosa, Tamaulipas, Mexico at which I ate a few times between 1998 and 2004. The cauliflower-infused mashers are a lightened take-off of an award-winning recipe featured in Southern Living some years ago.
The ultimate Southwestern Surf & Turf: Ancho-braised Beef Shanks and Shrimp Cocktail à la La Mansion del Prado, with a side of Cauliflower-infused Chipotle Garlic Mashers.
Ancho Braised Beef Shanks
4 – Dried ancho chiles, stemmed and seeded
2 cups – water
1 – Small yellow onion, chopped
4 cloves – garlic
1 – Canned chipotle pepper in adobo sauce, chopped
2 TB – Mexican oregano
2 TB – Kosher salt
1 TB – Brown sugar
1 TB – Cumin
4 cups – Beef or vegetable stock
5 – Beef shanks, about 1 inch thick
2 TB – Vegetable oil
2 TB – Flour
In a medium saucepan, place ancho chiles in water and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for about 10 minutes, until chiles are soft. Remove chiles from liquid (reserving liquid) and place in a blender with next seven ingredients. Puree into a paste.
In a large Dutch oven, heat vegetable oil to medium-high and sear shanks on both sides. Set shanks aside. There should be sufficient oil in the pan to brown the flour. If not, add a little, then add flour and stir or whisk constantly for about 15-20 seconds. (We’re making a light roux.) Add chile paste. Once combined with roux, slowly add stock to the mixture while constantly whisking. Add reserved liquid used to soften chiles. At this point, your sauce should look very thin and almost watery. If not, add water to reach that point.
Add shanks to liquid. Cover Dutch oven somewhat loosely (we want some steam to escape), turn heat to medium-low and cook for about two hours, stirring occasionally.
If sauce is not reduced to a desired level once shanks are tender, remove meat from liquid, increase heat to medium, and cook until thicker. Add shanks back to thickened ancho chile sauce for about 2-3 minutes prior to serving.
Note: This dish is even better the second day. Refrigerate sauce and shanks separately. About 20 minutes before serving, remove congealed fat/oil from surface of sauce, place in a large pan over medium heat. Once steam begins to rise from the warmed sauce, add shanks and cook for about 5 minutes, or until warmed through.
Serves 5.
Cauliflower-infused Chipotle Garlic Mashers
1 bulb – Garlic
2 TB – Vegetable oil
1 cup – Fresh or frozen corn
1 lb. – Gold potatoes, cut into 2-inch cubes
2 – 12 oz. pkgs. frozen cauliflower
3/4 cup – Light sour cream
1/4 cup – Lowfat milk
1/4 cup – Butter, or lower fat substitute, melted
1 – Canned chipotle pepper in adobo sauce, chopped, plus a teaspoon of sauce
1/2 cup – Cilantro, chopped
Kosher salt, to taste
Slice off top of garlic bulb, exposing cloves. Pour 1 TB vegetable oil into bulb and wrap with foil. Bake garlic at 400F for about an hour. Meanwhile, toss corn with 1 TB vegetable oil. Place on small baking sheet (I use heavy-duty foil) and roast alongside garlic for about 10-15 minutes, stirring regularly.
In salted water, boil cauliflower for about 20 minutes. It should be very tender. Drain in a screen colander. Meanwhile, heat more salted water and cook cubed potatoes until tender, about 15 minutes. Drain. While potatoes are cooking, run drained cauliflower through a ricer (food mill), or a food processor until smooth. Place mixture back in screen colander so as to remove more water. (Stirring mixture with a rubber spatula is helpful in extracting liquid.)
Combine sour cream, milk, butter, chipotle pepper & sauce and cilantro in large bowl. Add roasted garlic by squeezing out the cooked contents of the bulb. (Discard outer skin of garlic.) Mix well. Fold in potatoes and cauliflower. Warm in microwave for a couple of minutes, if necessary.
Shrimp Cocktail à la La Mansion del Prado
12 oz – Medium chilled shrimp, cooked and deveined with tails removed
3 – Medium avocados, halved and pitted
1/2 cup – Southwestern-style Louis Dressing
Mix shrimp and Southwestern Louis Dressing. Chill for at least an hour. Slightly enlarge hole in avocado halves by removing some flesh. (Lucky you! You get to enjoy a little stray avocado before serving these beauties!) Fill with shrimp and Southwestern Louis Dressing mixture.
As I get older, I become less and less tolerant of people waisting my time. We have one particular employee in the business who has the bad habit of butting into private meetings by saying “I know you are busy. But, can I interrupt you for just one thing?” My most recent reply was “You just have. And, no, in that order.” She shuffled off muttering to herself. Life is too short to let one’s time be wasted by people who don’t matter to us. The wife stuff, you will have to sort out on your own.
Best,
Conor
Amen, Conor! I occasionally take lunch to my wife’s work so we can enjoy a few minutes. It’s almost inevitable that someone pokes their head in the door and says ‘Are you eating?’ I’ve wanted to pop off a few times, but I hold my tongue. I hope all is well with you.
Excellent thanks. I have been busy over the holidays and have a raft of posts completed, racked and stacked as it were. If I die in my sleep tonight, I will live on in the virtual world for a month or two. Eerie or what? Apart from that – economy bad, life good.
Great post! I can totally relate – glad to know I’m not the only one out there that feels this way when having conversations with people!
Andrea – I think there are a lot of us out here. Glad you stopped by!
Why do your posts only show up in my “reader” and not in my email box? Can I change that?
Tracy – I’m no technical expert, or even a novice. The only thing I can think of is how you signed up to receive notifications. If you enter your email address in the ‘subscribe’ box (along the right rail), you should start receiving the email versions. If I am speaking way out of turn — which is entirely possible — then perhaps someone else can help Tracy out? Either way, I’m really glad that you stopped by!
Thanks–that should help.
Um, I want to take a bath in those beef shanks. Holy cow.
Thanks, Christine. That recipe also works very well with beef short ribs.
Oh, and I have a sign on my desk at work that I love….”be brief, be bright, be gone..”
Well, I’m the person at my work who’s guilty of talking too much. Signs like yours don’t usually faze me. Now, telling me to get out? That, I understand.
I agree with your rant, and I am going to try the cauliflower potatoes!
Thanks, Mama Steph, for stopping by. I’d go full-throttle with the cauliflower (as I have a few times in place of mashed potatoes), but someone always reveals my trickery and then 1-2 kids refuse to eat it. Going half-and-half though? Worked like a dream!
It’s always good to sneak in some veggies when you can; I like that idea.
I feel like I should confess something. I used to be a lady with a bun.
Also, I’ve never had a shank. But, I know how to shank. Or something.
Also, listen to your wife. That’s your damn job. There doesn’t have to be a point. The only point that matters is that it’s your job to listen.
I listen, Jen. I listen for hours and hours.
Honestly, I mirror the double standard convo on a daily basis! Sometimes, I wonder how people like my parents, for example, conjure enough patience for my ranting and circling about things. As for my future-wife-out-there… Waiting for the moment is better than predicting the outcome, teehee. I laughed so much here. Thanks!
It’s all good. My wife is a nurse, and a (pediatric) specialized one at that. When she talks about work, I’m usually lost, unless words like “Coke” or “Pepsi” or “railroad” pop up.
That plate of food looks delicious and what a smart idea to mix the cauliflower with the potatoes. I always see the mashed cauliflower option being touted as less calories, whatever. I don’t really like cauliflower, and there are ways to make mashed potatoes less “bad” for you. I will have to try this since there are so many other flavors mixed in.
I liked the Pepsi v. Coke story, I laughed out loud.
Chic81 – I’ve never cared for cauliflower, unless it was on a veggie platter with some dip. The mashed option is a viable substitute for mashed potatoes, which I’m supposed to steer clear of because I’m diabetic. This version is, by no means, healthy. But it is lower in sugars and fat than the original. Plus, it’s just damn good.
Ah, I see. I had forgotten about potatoes not being allowed for diabetic. Normally, my food philosophy is “everything in moderation”. So, some rich mashed potatoes isn’t a problem every once in awhile!
Very true! I’m not saying I don’t break the rules on a daily basis. As a matter of fact, I have a mouthful of Lemonheads as I type this.
That looks like a big plate of yum! I am currently obsessed with shrimp cocktails and will definitely be giving this one a try. The exchange with your wife made me laugh… I often say that talking to my mom is kind of like a scavenger hunt for the point.
Thanks, Erika. My wife is a GREAT sport for allowing me to post such conversations. But this is my get-even for her posting a video of my fat ass running through the house.
I think I love your wife. She must know how you feel about long drawn out conversations and she doesn’t give a shit and goes on her merry way saying all the words that have backed up in her head. I’m a lot like that myself. I’ve told my husband he’s not allowed two phrases…
“you Americans”
and
“and????”
The food looks amazing!
Maureen – Her blood is of Irish and English people who raised her in the Bronx before moving to North Jersey. Truth be told, I never had a chance against her.
I guessed that, Adam
She’s my hero.
Loving the shrimp in avocado idea.
Wish I could claim that idea as my own, but the best ideas are stolen, after all.
Thanks for stopping by.
Oh you crack me up & this one reminded me of George Carlin’s “people are boring” : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyWsFfd9pqE
Of course if you’re easily offended or not a George fan, don’t watch this one.
I had a solution to the people at the door thing when we first moved in here. I attached the sprinkler hose to the back spigot but positioned the sprinkler to hit the front door. We’re on a small cul-de-sac so whenever we had an early warning alert system of phone calls if someone spotted someone knocking on doors. I’d sneak out back & wait until the doorbell rang, then turn on the sprinkler. I mean how could I know someone was at the front door? Then my party pooper husband thought it was mean & dismantled my carefully arranged “discourager”.
Diane – I thought I was the only one who pulled stunts like that. Except I set up a sprinkler to go off on a lady who walked her dog every morning past my house. You guessed it. She allowed the dog to do its business in my yard — then didn’t bother picking it up. I wanted to say something to her, but thought better of it. The sprinkler worked like a dream. She changed walking routes.