Confession No. 76 — Women and men are equals? Really?
First things first.
When it comes to females, I’ve voted for them; worked for and alongside them; played on the same softball and pinochle teams with them; and I’ve fallen for (many of) them. Even my pets belong in the female group.
Yes. I believe that the X chromosome is the coolest thing on earth — second only to fish & chips served with extremely hopped ale.
But, we are far from being equals … men and women.
We guys were dawdling dames long before Anita Hill helped to coin a now-popular legal term. Heck, the reversal might have happened even prior to Gloria Steinem’s stint as a Playboy Bunny.
Hugs & kisses
How many of you (female types) include XOXO in your signature line? Before you deny it, just know that I’ve received quite a few over the past couple of years. Now, if I were to add XOXO to my signature line, how many of you (ladies) would think of me as an Internet perv or virtual groper? Better yet, how many nosey husbands and boyfriends would want to track me down and give me an old-fashioned whipping?
But, please keep the hugs and kisses coming. I’m just wishing I could return the love and not get my jaw jacked.
The ‘parts’ department
Women are still allowed to wear push-up bras with their business attire. And no one, aside from the folks at the Amish bazaar, says a word. In fact, many of us feel blessed and are grateful for the talents of the product designers at Victoria’s Secret. Now, turn the tables.
Let’s say I were to wear a pair of trousers that fit a little too tightly in certain areas. Or, a shirt that revealed some shoulder and back. Or even shoes with lift inserts.
Not that I would ever consider anything beyond my current wardrobe of boring attire, but… Need I really go into more detail about this scenario?
Who’s harassing whom?
Many of us have had to take sexual harassment training at our work (thank you, Anita Hill). Funny thing is, I was made to feel like this training was intended for … me. Is there seriously a training video out there that depicts a female boss ‘sexually harassing’ her male underling? No. You want to know why? Because most of us (men) would never complain.
If your guy disagrees with my assertion, ask him whether he connected with the character in ‘Terrible Bosses’ who worked for the totally sexy dentist. (If he says ‘yes,’ he’s lying.)
There has been more than one woman in my workplace to become frustrated (in a ‘mom’ sort of way) because I only button the bottom button on my knit shirts. What do they typically do? They go into ‘mom’ mode and frustratingly tell me to sit still, while they button the second button. Hell, it wouldn’t shock me if one of the ladies eventually wets her fingers with her tongue and tries to fix my hair.
It’s a ‘mom’ thing and I get that. But, if I ever tried to return the favor of buttoning the top button of any woman, I’m most certain that the back of her hand would find the right side of my face.
Equality? Yeah, right. The ‘fair sex’ moniker occasionally used to describe females really means that the world is ‘more fair’ to women than to men.
Still don’t believe me?
Even the producers of Star Trek threw their hats into the ring by their second franchise, changing ‘…where no man has gone…’ to ‘where no one has gone…’ C’mon. I think ‘man’ refers to mankind here. But, that’s just one … person’s opinion.
Hey, men. Want to see a real-life example of true irony? Ask a woman if she believes men and women can be real friends. You know, just platonic — with no thoughts of anything beyond that. (She’ll answer in the affirmative.)
Now, reach up and try to button the top button on her shirt.
Believe me now?
If you like what you read here, please help me spread the word. I’d also love for you to join me on Facebook (click the ‘like’ button) and Pinterest.
I like cold, rainy weather. And soup — 7-Bean Soup in particular — is a major reason why. It’s sort of like eating watermelon when it’s in season, or devouring crispy bacon that was cooked over a campfire. 7-Bean Soup just seems to taste best when skies are grey, the air outside is dank and umbrellas or snow shovels are required. By the way, if either of my doctors are viewing this post, the answer is ‘yes.’ I’m really eating stuff like this.
7-Bean Soup
Whether made with Caribbean-style Roasted Pork Shoulder, a smoked store-bought ham hock or a worthy vegan substitute, 7-Bean Soup is an extremely homey and satisfying meal.
2 lbs – Assorted dried beans**, cleaned and soaked
1 – Ham hock (smoked, baked, etc.)
1 – Small onion, sliced thinly
3 – Garlic cloves, minced
2 TB – Chili powder
1 TB – Freshly ground black pepper
Water or stock (vegetable, pork or chicken)
1 TB – Dried Oregano
1 TB – Dried Basil
1 TB – Lemon juice
1 – 28 oz. can of crushed tomatoes
1 lb – Cured ham, pork roast or sliced smoked Kielbasa (optional)
Kosher salt, to taste
Cover beans with water and soak overnight -or- Cover beans with 2-3 inches of water, bring to a light boil, turn off heat and allow to sit for an hour. Drain.
In a large pot, cover beans with about 3 inches of water/stock. Add ham hock, onion, garlic, chili powder and black pepper. Bring to boil, then reduce heat to a very light boil. Cook for about 1½ hours, stirring occasionally. If you notice that the liquid has reduced to below the surface of the beans, add more.
After 1½ hours of cooking, beans should still have their shape and be al dente. Add oregano, basil, lemon juice and crushed tomatoes. If you are including meat (optional), now is the time to add it to the pot.
Bring pot back to a light boil and cook, stirring regularly, for about 30-45 minutes. Season to taste.
Serves 5, with enough for leftovers. (This soup is better the second time around)
**Assorted Beans
There are really no rules here. I tend to combine seven varieties, but you could combine 20 varieties if you so choose.
- Pinto
- Navy
- Great Northern
- Garbanzo
- Black
- Split Peas
- Butter
“There has been more than one woman in my workplace to become frustrated (in a ‘mom’ sort of way) because I only button the bottom button on my knit shirts. What do they typically do? They go into ‘mom’ mode and frustratingly tell me to sit still, while they button the second button. Hell, it wouldn’t shock me if one of the ladies eventually wets her fingers with her tongue and tries to fix my hair.”
I laughed so hysterically that I sounded like a hyena in heat! (Please, don’t ask) <3 <3
(see? Not ALL of us are pure xoxo girls) You got the SPECIAL friend love! Hey, is that a sock in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Quick, someone! I need a (complaint) form!
Sandwiches aside.
XOXOXO
lol..
I love Anita, by the way. She’s one of my heros.
Also, I don’t “mom” men…because I have one at home I’m required to do that for. Instead, I laugh at you to your face. Sometimes I point if it’s bad enough.
And lastly, I like beans. My dad used to tell me that if I wanted to be “brown” like him, I needed to eat beans.
Oh my god. I just said I love Anita Hill, I mock men, and I like beans all in one reply.
I KNOW that you’re serious about mocking men, since I’ve been on the receiving end a
Still, how about a hug?
fewlot of times.No, we’re not equal…who the hell wants to be? Men and women were made to be different, the plumbing verifies that! But one thing’s for sure, I’m right w/ya, kiddo, on the beans…ain’t no difference in us there…got my pot of anasazi beans w/a ham hock simmerin’ now…does that mean we’ve started to think alike???? OMG, Adam’s morphing into Ally or vice versa!! xoxoxoooxoxoxoxoxo
…another woman who’d slap me if I tried to button her top button…
That dish looks so good – I wish I could get a bowl today and then I wouldn’t have to cook myself!
You have recipes that my husband will eat and that’s always a plus in this house, so thank you!
My pleasure! Thanks for stopping by.
I believe that I, as a male, am not the stronger gender of the two. Most of us wouldn’t be able to survive the pain of child birth.
In terms of the soup, would searing the veg and meat before simmering to create some fond add to the dish?
True that. I’ve witnessed childbirth and was so totally thankful that I was born male. As for the soup and searing the meat … The pork you see in that photo actually came from last week’s Caribbean-style Roasted Pork Shoulder. So, it was essentially ‘seared’ when it went in. If I were tossing in link sausage though (and I do frequently), I’d sear it.
I’m just wondering if the same photo of this soup were on my blog, if the meat leaning on the side of the bowl would seem as phallic???
All kidding aside, I love a good bean soup, and speaking of equality, all ham hocks are not created equal either. Boy did I get a bad one at my local grocery store last go around. I’ll always buy from my specialty meat store going forward. And, wondering if I should always buy a ham shank?
My 2nd visit here, you have a great blog Adam. I’m still not over pajama couple.
Geez.. You’re right, Lea Ann. Lol. I assure you that that was not intentional. — I’ve bought smoked hocks at the grocery store and, like you, have been disappointed. I prefer bone-in meat, no matter what, for that reason. (Also so that I can enjoy a spoonful of marrow.)
The soup looks great. One of my favorite things when it gets cold out….I put hocks, sausage AND shredded chicken. Cornbread is not a mere suggestion. It’s a legal requirement.
As to the women and men thing, you KNOW you hit where I live. As an HR Director, dealing with said issues is my daily cross to bear. And you are 100% right on most points. And while I have had to deal with a very few quid pro quo or other serious sexual harassment cases, 98 percent are ridiculous, and are the result of the annual training telling women what they should find offensive. We have created a society with paper thin skin that are offended at everything. That goes beyond sexual harassment issues in the workplace, to all issues in the workplace. I have to use and explain “reasonable person” standards to a complainant wayyyyyy more often than I have to redirect an accused persons behavior.
But also because of my job, I would never button anyone’s shirt or touch them without asking first “may I?”
You can button the top button on my shirt any time.
Enjoyed your post… although I don’t think I am the type to go mom-mode on anyone. I am more the type to just say “button up”… But your writing cracked me up. And the soup delightful. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you. And, I just buttoned up!
Now that soup looks just about perfect for a New England winter…which just for the record I am absolutely DONE with!
I think I’ll use my left over Caribbean roast pork shoulder for once I get that cooked – some people don’t read all of the instructions before deciding to make something so that part about marinating for 6 hrs might be a problem since I was just informed that the Pat’s game is starting at 4:00 & I haven’t gotten to step 1 yet. I wouldn’t think that marinating overnight would do it any harm right?
So we’ll just have that pork tomorrow but you know I still XXOOXXOOXXX you right?
LOL, Diane. I would absolutely marinate it overnight. (I did.)
Adam, I don’t think anyone — male or female — should be touching anyone anywhere without prior approval, but I wouldn’t be opposed to suggesting, “You missed a button on your shirt.” One awkward situation that has happened on occasion is what to do as a woman that encounters a guy, whose fly is open, not in a pervy, creepy kind of way, but in an absent-minded he probably peed in a hurry or has a lot on his mind way. This recently happened to the showroom manager, a woman, that encountered a male customer at where I work. She said nothing to him about it and ignored my suggestion that she confidentially confide that he “shut the barn door”. It is possible that after he left he proceeded to walk throughout Manhattan Island with it open. As the male of the species, what do you suggest a woman say to Unzipped Guy that would not make either she or he feel embarrassed?
That soup looks SO delicious, but unfortunately my gastroenterologist does not allow to eat tomato. My loss.
One other thing, I would sooner write ZZZZZZZZZ than XOXO.
Thank you for the compliments and good question. Just tell him ‘XYZ’ and he’ll get it. No worries, guys aren’t as embarrassed as women are in similar situations.
Excellent suggestion Adam. I will pass it on!
If I recall at one point in our “past” lives,one former workplace enviroment was a walking sexual arrassment suit waiting to happen.
May the oft-offender rest in peace.
Great post!
Thank you!
It all becomes easy if you’re gay. My husband likes to touch wonen’s breasts, and after some beers they don’t mind since he is ‘harmless’ anyway. All the straight guys are so jealous
I can see that being the case.
Really? They actually button you up? I can’t imagine doing that to any of the guys in my office, it would be waaay too intimate. Do you think it’s because we are gen x? or because we are ex-lawyer / finance types?
I think it’s because we are a generation who has been made nervous by the thought of litigation – just as Christine mentioned in her comments here. The people who know me also know that the only time I have ever sued anyone was because I sold them a product and they never paid for it. (I would have tried to collect myself, but I was in Texas and the company was in Georgia.) — Again, it is more of a ‘mom’ thing and does not have the feeling or appearance of intimacy. My point is, if the tables were reversed, I’d be nursing a swollen lip.
Again, my tongue is slapping my brains out….and your writing just runs as smoothly along as lava….with color and flare….so glad for Pinterest for that is how I found you and I think we are going to be great friends
I’m glad you found me too! May I button your shirt for you?
When I was in high school my parents took me to see Rudolf Nureyev dance The Nutcracker. As a teenager, I wondered if they considered the outing part of my sex education. The tights/cup combination works much like a push-up bra.
The soup look amazing. It’s bean soup weather here right now, that’s for sure. Can you pass me a bowl please?
Excellent observation on the ballet thing! Confession: Ballet was right up there with National Geographic magazine when I was a 5th grader trying to sneak a peak (at the ballerinas, of course).
Your 7 bean combination recipe is very similar to the “LA TEX” beans my former west Texas colleague used to package (with can of Ro-tel) as Christmas gifts. It is bean soup weather.
Was the “LA” for Louisiana?
Woman are definitely not equal in the ‘paycheck area’…I worked in a male dominated career for many years! I was told, to my face, that woman are better at the particular job I had, but would never be paid the same amount because of the ‘boys club’ mentality! This came from my male supervisor! At least he was honest! I’d still rather be a female because we’re superior…lol!
Yeah, that’s too bad. But your boss was right. Hopefully we’re seeing changes in that area.
I cringe when men leave 1 or 2 of the top buttons unbuttoned. Are they trying to go on a Fabio model shoot? It’s worse when there’s chest hair exposed…ewww!! I’m a wife and mom, but I don’t button other men’s shirts. (Is ewww! the opposite of xoxo?)
I do wear undershirts though. It’s not like I’m going all disco.
Awesome take on this!! and it made me smile after a long morning doing my farm chores.. especially the part about wearing tight jeans for man.. my coworker has been wearing that all the time even at work.. I guess the ladies at work don’t mind at all coz it’s part of his attire from day one, I reckon..
I don’t even care as long as he’s not naked.. it’s fine with me.. *lol*..
That’s fine, Suri. LOL.. It’s just that guys like me don’t get the same favorable response. If I were to wear tight jeans to work, there’d be a lot of trash cans that would need to be cleaned.