Confession No. 76 — Women and men are equals? Really?
First things first.
When it comes to females, I’ve voted for them; worked for and alongside them; played on the same softball and pinochle teams with them; and I’ve fallen for (many of) them. Even my pets belong in the female group.
Yes. I believe that the X chromosome is the coolest thing on earth — second only to fish & chips served with extremely hopped ale.
But, we are far from being equals … men and women.
We guys were dawdling dames long before Anita Hill helped to coin a now-popular legal term. Heck, the reversal might have happened even prior to Gloria Steinem’s stint as a Playboy Bunny.
Hugs & kisses
How many of you (female types) include XOXO in your signature line? Before you deny it, just know that I’ve received quite a few over the past couple of years. Now, if I were to add XOXO to my signature line, how many of you (ladies) would think of me as an Internet perv or virtual groper? Better yet, how many nosey husbands and boyfriends would want to track me down and give me an old-fashioned whipping?
But, please keep the hugs and kisses coming. I’m just wishing I could return the love and not get my jaw jacked.
The ‘parts’ department
Women are still allowed to wear push-up bras with their business attire. And no one, aside from the folks at the Amish bazaar, says a word. In fact, many of us feel blessed and are grateful for the talents of the product designers at Victoria’s Secret. Now, turn the tables.
Let’s say I were to wear a pair of trousers that fit a little too tightly in certain areas. Or, a shirt that revealed some shoulder and back. Or even shoes with lift inserts.
Not that I would ever consider anything beyond my current wardrobe of boring attire, but… Need I really go into more detail about this scenario?
Who’s harassing whom?
Many of us have had to take sexual harassment training at our work (thank you, Anita Hill). Funny thing is, I was made to feel like this training was intended for … me. Is there seriously a training video out there that depicts a female boss ‘sexually harassing’ her male underling? No. You want to know why? Because most of us (men) would never complain.
If your guy disagrees with my assertion, ask him whether he connected with the character in ‘Terrible Bosses’ who worked for the totally sexy dentist. (If he says ‘yes,’ he’s lying.)
There has been more than one woman in my workplace to become frustrated (in a ‘mom’ sort of way) because I only button the bottom button on my knit shirts. What do they typically do? They go into ‘mom’ mode and frustratingly tell me to sit still, while they button the second button. Hell, it wouldn’t shock me if one of the ladies eventually wets her fingers with her tongue and tries to fix my hair.
It’s a ‘mom’ thing and I get that. But, if I ever tried to return the favor of buttoning the top button of any woman, I’m most certain that the back of her hand would find the right side of my face.
Equality? Yeah, right. The ‘fair sex’ moniker occasionally used to describe females really means that the world is ‘more fair’ to women than to men.
Still don’t believe me?
Even the producers of Star Trek threw their hats into the ring by their second franchise, changing ‘…where no man has gone…’ to ‘where no one has gone…’ C’mon. I think ‘man’ refers to mankind here. But, that’s just one … person’s opinion.
Hey, men. Want to see a real-life example of true irony? Ask a woman if she believes men and women can be real friends. You know, just platonic — with no thoughts of anything beyond that. (She’ll answer in the affirmative.)
Now, reach up and try to button the top button on her shirt.
Believe me now?
I like cold, rainy weather. And soup — 7-Bean Soup in particular — is a major reason why. It’s sort of like eating watermelon when it’s in season, or devouring crispy bacon that was cooked over a campfire. 7-Bean Soup just seems to taste best when skies are grey, the air outside is dank and umbrellas or snow shovels are required. By the way, if either of my doctors are viewing this post, the answer is ‘yes.’ I’m really eating stuff like this.
2 lbs – Assorted dried beans**, cleaned and soaked
1 – Ham hock (smoked, baked, etc.)
1 – Small onion, sliced thinly
3 – Garlic cloves, minced
2 TB – Chili powder
1 TB – Freshly ground black pepper
Water or stock (vegetable, pork or chicken)
1 TB – Dried Oregano
1 TB – Dried Basil
1 TB – Lemon juice
1 – 28 oz. can of crushed tomatoes
1 lb – Cured ham, pork roast or sliced smoked Kielbasa (optional)
Kosher salt, to taste
Cover beans with water and soak overnight -or- Cover beans with 2-3 inches of water, bring to a light boil, turn off heat and allow to sit for an hour. Drain.
In a large pot, cover beans with about 3 inches of water/stock. Add ham hock, onion, garlic, chili powder and black pepper. Bring to boil, then reduce heat to a very light boil. Cook for about 1½ hours, stirring occasionally. If you notice that the liquid has reduced to below the surface of the beans, add more.
After 1½ hours of cooking, beans should still have their shape and be al dente. Add oregano, basil, lemon juice and crushed tomatoes. If you are including meat (optional), now is the time to add it to the pot.
Bring pot back to a light boil and cook, stirring regularly, for about 30-45 minutes. Season to taste.
Serves 5, with enough for leftovers. (This soup is better the second time around)
There are really no rules here. I tend to combine seven varieties, but you could combine 20 varieties if you so choose.
- Great Northern
- Split Peas