Confession No. 77 — Why you should never, ever use extreme words or phrases
I have a perfect record with the children whom I’ve helped to raise.
This particular accomplishment is not necessarily something that I’m proud of. But, I’m neither shocked nor surprised. The 5-year-old grandbaby is now among the mouths that I’ve fed who have claimed to hate me.
Yep. I’m batting 1.000.
I was three out of four for quite some time. And then it happened.
“We all have a bedtime,” I said “and yours is right now.”
“I want to watch TV,” he responded in a whiny voice.
“You can watch TV tomorrow — if you follow the rules tonight.”
And then the alligator tears started flowing.
“My stomach hurts,” he cried, trying to buy time.
“Mine does too, which is why I am going to pop myself some popcorn,” I responded. “And I can’t pop corn until you are in bed. Now, go!”
“I want some popcorn!” he continued to cry.
“I’m joking,” I responded. “I need to go to bed myself and I can’t do it until you are horizontal in your own room. I’m not going to battle you on this any longer. Go. Now. Or, you’ll regret it.”
It was at that moment that I raised my batting average.
“I hate you!” he shouted.
“Fine. I hate you more,” I said. “Maybe you’ll love me next time you want to watch my Netflix. You’d better hope I love you back.”
Never? Really?
If you are a husband, parent — or the boss of 20-somethings — you’ve undoubtedly heard it. (Perhaps you’ve also heard these words bandied about in a timeshare pitch or pyramid scheme presentation.)
Always. Never.
These are such all-encompassing words, which are … rarely true.
“Adam, you always complain,” my wife has said (countless times). “You can never just leave things alone and be easy-going.”
“Never? Really?” I would generally respond. “Always? Hmm.”
And then there are the words from the mouths of babes.
“Dad, you never want to watch me twirl my baton or listen to me play my flute,” my teen daughter said.
“You know I want to hear you play your flute,” I shot back. “I just don’t want to hear it at 10 o’clock at night.”
“Well then,” she countered. “Can you take me to Starbucks?”
“No,” I answered. “Never.”
Fortunately, people tend to come around … usually when they want something that I have. And how do I respond? I just make them promise that they’ll never, ever be rude to me again — or cast blame my way. Then I require them to tell me how perfect I always am.
And I’m sure they just hate that.
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Over the past few years, I’ve been invited elsewhere for the Super Bowl. We’ve brought everything from a bag of chips to an elaborate salad. Though I’m not hosting a Super Bowl party in 2013 (I’m counting the days until Major League Baseball), this is what I would serve to my guests.
Marinated Pizza Skewers
Marinated Pizza Skewers are easy to assemble and fun to eat. Not to mention, they’re healthy! Excellent for the big game.
Sure. There’s no crust. But, isn’t everyone on a diet still? These are easy and delicious, whether or not you are trying to get into a bikini by spring.
1 cup — Extra virgin olive oil
1 cup — Red wine vinegar
2 tsp — Dried Basil
2 tsp — Dried Oregano
2 — Garlic cloves
2 tsp — Kosher salt
1 tsp — Red pepper flakes
1/2 tsp — Fennel seeds
12 — Button or Baby Bella Mushrooms, cleaned and halved
24 — Mozzarella or Colby Jack Cheese, cubed (about 1/2-inch cubes)
24 — Grape Tomatoes
24 — Large Black Olives
24 — Bamboo skewers
Bring red wine vinegar to a light boil in a small saucepan. Add garlic cloves, basil, oregano, Kosher salt, red pepper flakes and fennel seeds. Remove from heat and allow to cool to room temperature.
While vinegar mixture is cooling, assemble pizza skewers by inserting skewer through (one each): mushroom, cheese, black olive and tomato. Place in large (non-reactive) container to marinate.
When vinegar has cooled, add olive oil and whisk. Pour marinade over assembled pizza skewers. Allow to marinate for an hour, or up to three hours in the refrigerator.
This recipe makes enough marinade for about 24 skewers.
Poblano Poppers
Poblano Poppers are crispy and gooey with a smoky kick — everything you love about Chile Rellenos. Serve with your favorite red salsa.
1 pkg (8 oz.) — Mexican melting cheese (queso quesadilla; Monterrey Jack), shredded
1 — Poblano pepper – charred, peeled and finely chopped**
2 TB — Cilantro, finely chopped
24 — Wonton wrappers
Vegetable oil, for frying
Combine cheese, chopped pepper and cilantro. Place about 1 TB of mixture in center of wonton wrapper. With wet fingertips (dipped in water), bring up edges of wrapper and seal.
Heat oil to 350º F.
Fry Poblano Poppers for about one minute, flipping them halfway through cooking to ensure even browning.
Makes two dozen appetizers.
**Charring Chiles
Place poblano chile(s) on medium-low heat grill, or on a baking sheet in a 450ºF oven. Listen for popping sounds, after about 5 minutes (on the grill), or about 10 minutes (oven). Turn the peppers so that all sides are charred. Once black and blistered on all sides, place chiles in a large bowl and cover with plastic wrap. This allows them to steam and makes for easy peeling.
Those poppers look fantastic! We love versions of that in this house and I bet I’m making these on Super Bowl Day!!
Thank you, Kelli!
Oh those poppers look delish. I like the tip on steaming the peppers to peel. Thanks.
Whew! I almost didn’t include that tip. Then it occurred to me that this is the World Wide Web. You can also plunge the peppers in a bowl of water, by the way. Thanks for your kind words.
Tips are always welcome!
I never ever want to eat a black olive again…. but I will always and forever want to pop those poppers into my mouth.
So THERE! I love your blog times infinity and you can NEVER change that…unless you make me black olives, in which case I’ll hate you forever.
You’ll need something … at some point. That’s when I’ll feed you black olives!
I appreciate your kind words.
My daughter once said to me “I hate you. You are ruining my life!” Unfortunately for her she was in the hearing of her FOUR brothers who to this day have never let her forget it.. Never. Vengeance is mine! sayeth the mother.. c
Hehehe. I’d like to think that my children will get theirs too.
Lucky me, I live in a “girls dorm” (2 daughters/one wife). So I hear the phrase: “I hate you” on a regular basis. Yet, love abounds when my wallet opens!
Exactly! It’s like we’re the punching bags for drama queens!
I’d love to be a fly on the wall in the Holland household! Yes, in my wanton naive and less-wise days, I, too, used these all-encompassing qualitative words that always would make my smart mouth have to cough up the follow-through…rarely happened (never say never, huh)…a definite advantage of aging! ..
Ally – We have no flies on the wall here. This house is so noisy that even flies prefer the heat of the summer.
Didn’t think you were old enough to have a 5 yo grandkid! And, I “never” thought to heat the marinade – thank you for that and the poppers will be tried. I love poblanos and rellenos and poppers so this app will be loved too!
Connie – I’m not (old enough to have a 5-year-old grandson). But, life happens when you least expect it.
Having a daughter, I grew immune to I hate you…LOL. Your appetizers both look fantastic…now I’m hoping I get invited to a Super Bowl party so I can bring one of these
But, let’s face it, Lizzy … ‘I hate you’ makes good blog fodder.
Love, love, love these poblano wonton things. This one for sure will be on my Bronco-less Superbowl menu. Yes, I’m bitter.
Dang, Lea Ann. I’m sorry for your Broncos. Hopefully you can find some solace in the fact that pitchers and catchers report soon.
Even though I’ll never be stuffing myself into a bikini, I know I should go for a skewer (they look amazing), but yeah, the poppers with that oozing cheese are really hard to resist.
At least I finally posted something that my doctor would approve of.
Oh you ALWAYS make me laugh Adam!
When my daughter started with the “I hate” business it was usually “I HATE spinach” “I HATE those shoes”, etc, etc. so I told her to save the hate word for when she really meant it. Sure enough when the day came that I got the “I HATE you” I had to pause and think…now does she really mean that? I guess maybe at the time but I think she likes me now.
We’ll soon find out if we’ll be needing those skewers for a Super Bowl party up here but in the meantime Nanook of the North is cheering them on. My daughter sent him out yesterday to go get Under Armour at Sports Authority. He went in & asked the clerk where the “Armour All” might be. He figured he had it wrong when she suggested going to an auto parts store for it or Target & they got him squared away. But, if you happen to be watching the Pats game & see a guy who’s all shiny, that would be my husband.
That’s an awesome story – Armour All. With that and the ‘damn spigot’ that broke off, I’m thinking he would be a good pinochle partner. Especially if we were splitting a pitcher.
omg…I am envisioning the 2 of you sitting there with a pitcher saying things like “I wonder how it would work if we tried….” LOL
Lol..
Ok, the commentaries are killing me. I have two teens – 14 and 16. I can so relate – there’s so many times that you can’t help but to want to use extreme words because teens are so extreme! The wonton things look out of this world, by the way!! Cheers!
Thanks, Shea!
Poppers look yummy
Thank you!
Haha, I bet you’re good at winning arguments. You could completely distract/bamboozle people by pointing out their use of extreme words so they forget what point they were trying to make. The skewers are gorgeous, but me being my glutinous self, I’m eying the poppers. They look like heaven!
Oh, that bedtime bargaining ritual goes on in our house nightly too. My favorite is when my son tries claiming he’s too tired to go to bed. Really son? Too tired? I do not think that word means what you think it means! Last night, he was dying of starvation (go figure, he didn’t finish his dinner), so he couldn’t go to bed because he was just too hungry! That being said, he probably would’ve rather have had one of those skewers than the cup of applesauce he wolfed down. I know I would!
Too tired to go to bed? That your son expects you to buy that line is just awesome. lol
Glad to see someone else gearing up for the best sport ever to start soon
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