Food Snob Chronicles – Edible urban legends
Be it a warning about flashing your headlights or a story about highway patrolmen keeping Coca Cola in the trunks of their cruisers (to clean wreck scenes), urban legends always seem to get there for the cash. The main reason — believability. (How many of you believed the whole Kentucky Fried Chicken myth — if only for a second? C’mon. Be honest.)
But, eaters and drinkers beware. Some food-related lore, as it turns out, has some basis in fact.
Claim: Clear liquor (vodka, gin, etc.) contains no carbohydrates and therefore won’t affect blood sugar.
I’m a lover of good beer. When I was diagnosed with diabetes a few years ago, I was distraught at the thought of having to drink flavorless swill — the nationally known low-carb stuff. Though I was never interested, someone told me that clear liquors would make an excellent substitute, as they contain no carbohydrates.
In fact, hard liquor – including the caramel-colored hooch – contains no significant carbs to speak of. That’s because sugars are converted to alcohol during the distilling process. So, am I better off quaffing Scotch or gin after a long day’s work?
Straight skinny: There are a ton of variables, but the quick answer is no.
While a few shots might not directly affect blood sugar, the human body processes alcohol before anything else, according to the Wellness Center at University of California – Berkley. In other words, a swig or three of Old Grandad moves that $6 Burger from Carl’s Jr. (and all 63 of its carbs) to the back of the digestion line.
Not to mention, I’m fairly certain that a few years of hitting the daily sauce would render my liver virtually useless.
Claim: Eating a poppy seed muffin will cause you to fail your drug test.
Straight skinny: I’d like to dispute this widespread claim. But, it’s true. If you eat an ‘everything’ bagel and get called upon to fill the cup, you might just be accused (and convicted) of hanging out in an opium den with the ghost of David Carradine.
Fortunately, some drug testing agencies — because of the false positives — have raised the minimum level for opiates to avoid career-ending mistakes for unfortunate lovers of lemon poppy seed muffins.
Claim: Eating a ton before bedtime causes nightmares.
Remember when Snoopy ate a pizza before bedtime in ‘What a Nightmare, Charlie Brown?’ His late-night gorging caused him to dream that he was enslaved as an Arctic sled dog. My worst dream involves an ex-wife, a fire and an insurance fraud investigator. I can’t remember what (and what time) I ate that evening. But, still…
Straight skinny: Despite that Snoopy’s antics were derived from the imagination of Charles Schultz, there could be some truth here.
According to multiple studies, including one published in 2000 (‘Journal of the Mind and Body’), eating shortly before bedtime increases brain activity — which can lead to more vivid dreams. If those dreams happen to be bad dreams, you might have experienced an all-you-can-eat nightmare.
Low blood sugar, according to a Harvard study, can also leads to bad dreams. But, their study involved patients who underwent bariatric surgery.
My advice? Don’t eat late. Why? Who wants to go to bed right after eating big bowl of fried cabbage — or a triple-decker salami sandwich? More importantly, who would want to sleep next to that person?
Claim: Eating a green-hued potato chip will make you extremely sick.
I always considered the ‘green’ potato chip to be the treat of the bag. But, then I started hearing that I should have died years ago.
Straight skinny: It’s true. That ‘green’ chip is poisonous. But so are apricots and avocados.
Here’s the deal: Those green potatoes can ultimately cause paralysis, because of a naturally occurring chemical that also happens to be a nerve toxin. But, you’d have to eat a truckload of them.
As for the apricots and avocados (and peaches and apples), the seeds contain a chemical that causes the release of hydrogen cyanide gas — upon ingestion. So, if you don’t want to be featured on an A&E program about how someone got even with you via a peck of peaches, just plant those pits.
Whew! Thank goodness I’m still alive!
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Disguising food (or pretending that it’s something else) is nothing new. I remember my younger sister ‘taking’ English peas as she would aspirin, because my parents insisted on her eating a serving. I also remember feeding fake guacamole (made with asparagus) to an oblivious crowd.
Cauliflower isn’t so easy to disguise. In my efforts to steer our 14-year-old daughter away from potatoes, I’ve tapped into my (limited) creativity and concocted a few definite repeats for us adults. My latest is a mock potato pancake.
Baked Garlic Butter Tilapia w/ Cheddar Cauliflower Pancakes
Flaky seasoned baked tilapia and rich cheddary cauliflower pancakes. A healthy and delicious change from the weeknight norm.
The Tilapia
5 — Tilapia (or other light, flaky fish) fillets, thawed
5 TB — Butter
3 — Garlic cloves, minced
1 TB — Lemon juice
Seasoning of your choice (Old Bay, Chile powder)
Preheat oven to 375F.
Melt butter with garlic and lemon juice. Allow to cool slightly.
Spray the bottom of a tempered glass baking dish lightly with oil. Place fish fillets in dish. Season with Old Bay or Chile powder. Pour evenly the garlic lemon butter over fillets.
Bake for about 15-20 minutes, until fish flakes easily with a fork.
The Cheddar Cauliflower Pancakes
1 — Medium-sized cauliflower head
1 cup — Sharp Cheddar, shredded
2 tsp — Garlic powder
1 tsp — Onion Powder
1 tsp — Freshly ground black pepper
Kosher salt to taste
Cut the cauliflower into florets and boil or steam until fork tender — about 15 minutes. Drain completely in a colander, then place florets between two clean towels and press. (You want to remove as much water as possible.)
Mash the florets in a blender or food processor, or process through a ricer (my preferred method). Add garlic powder, onion powder and black pepper. Combine with mashed cauliflower. Fold in cheddar cheese. Taste and salt accordingly.
Shape into 3-inch (diameter) by 1-inch (thick) patties. Place in freezer for about 15 minutes (makes handling easier.)
Spray a non-stick skillet lightly with oil and preheat to medium. Cook patties until nicely browned, about 5-7 minutes per side.
Makes about 5 Cheddar Cauliflower Pancakes — and since my daughter won’t eat them (yet), that means I get two servings!
Love your random scientific wanderings! For sure, needs to know! The cauliflower pancake rocks! xo Ally
Random is spot on. That’s exactly what I am. Thank you for your kind words.
If you are looking for good beers to pair with your recipes follow my blog and you will get great suggestions.
I’m definitely a beer snob and you have a new follower! If you happen to be a BeerAdvocate member, my handle (rarely used any more – unless I find myself in a reviewing mood) is liquidbreadman.
I don’t have a membership to that, I just started but there will be a lot more reviews on beer to come
I really need to start cooking cauliflower more. It is so versitile!
And I figure if you eat too much of ANYTHING it’ll kill you. Moderation is the key. After all, what will kill you one week, is a “health breakthrough” the next.
Amen to that, Connie. Just be careful not to poison yourself on cauliflower. I’m sure it’s a horrible way to die.
Hahaha!
You should try this one – my kids adore it!!!
http://defeatgarden.wordpress.com/2012/02/16/cheesy-cauliflower-and-sausage/
Bookmarked! And, you have a new follower!
Well thank you!
So was your daughter fooled by the pancake? Did she like it? Thank you for the green potato thing. I have to admit that when I first heard it, I rolled my eyes instead of taking it seriously. I figured in my lifetime I’ve eaten enough green-hued spuds that if it was really going to kill me, I’d already be dead.
She was neither fooled nor fascinated by my efforts. But, you know what? Let her eat ramen!
I’m trying the cauliflower pancakes on my 5 year-old… AND my “picky” husband!
Let them eat (cauliflower pan)cake!
The cauliflower pancakes sound really good! BTW, what is the Kentucky Fried Chicken myth?
The letter that was circulating about how they went to ‘KFC’ because the USDA wouldn’t allow them to say ‘Chicken…’ The claim was that the company used mechanically separated chicken, which was so far from being chicken — they weren’t allowed to call it chicken.
Oh – gosh, I never heard that one but thanks for letting me know.
Oh brother! I wondered the same thing…that is funny. It was probably started by a Popeye’s chicken employee…or other rival.
The really funny thing about it is that hundreds of thousands of people believed it.
I just made my first cheesy cauliflower cakes this past week, they were great and my husband [who doesn't like veggies] really like them too! These sound easier than the ones I made [recipe on my Pinterest board]. Thanks for the clarification of the KFC story ’cause I hadn’t heard it either. Good luck getting your picky eater to eat veggies – I feel your pain!
Admittedly, I’m not that concerned that Baby Girl turns her nose up at stuff like this. Leaves more for me.
The cauliflower looks good. I’ve been trying a few of the newer cauliflower preparations, so I will give this a go, too.
Let me know how it turns out, Christine. I’m starting to get pumped up about our salmon patty throwdown, by the way.
What? Nothing about a cut onion attracting bacteria & germs and if you want to save yourself from deadly flu’s & viruses, sleep with a cut onion next to your bed…Of course that might not go over very well but this is your health we’re talking about.
That tilapia looks absolutely done to perfection. The cauliflower – I know I’d love it but I’m trying to think of how & what I could pass that off to my husband. I think he’s like your daughter.
And, just to let you know, I just posted last week’s result from our brainstorming session for the Sausage/shrimp a la Diane with an assist from Adam. Thank you very much – it was AWESOME!
Holy meningitis! An onion will do that? Will it also prevent my 2 a.m. blood sugar spikes? Because, if so, I’m all over it! As for the cauliflower, that’s why I use sharp cheddar — it adds a flavor element that’s somewhat removed from the sweetness of the veggie. (I think the garlic and onion flavors might help reverse the cheddar effect, but to heck with my daughter. Like I said earlier, I’ll take her serving for lunch the next day.)
And, thank you for immortalizing me with your recipe. It looks divine! (It can be seen at http://dianeskitchentable.wordpress.com/2013/01/25/shrimp-sausage-gumbo/#comment-1392)
Well sorry to say, about that onion…I think it may fall into the urban legend category of “not quite true” but I have a cousin who’s neighbor’s best friend says it works to ward off vampires.
I do the same as you with leftovers – lunch the next day is great! Since my husband does the grocery shopping though I usually have to go back & grab stuff like cauliflower myself since the store seems to always be “out” of certain items that I put on the list.
And thank you for the help w/that recipe – just hope I wasn’t keeping you from important work while we were getting my dinner squared away
Me? Important work? Ha! As for your husband’s tactics.. I can truly appreciate that. I’ve pulled that stunt when my wife sent me to the store for certain items.
Wait, what, green chips are bad? I had no idea.
Dig the recipes. Love tilapia, it’s delish. I also love cauliflower, never tried it like this. Looks great.
Yep, Kim. It seems several of us should be dead by now. Go figure!
I’m a big cauliflower fan so must give this one a try. I think I have exactly one method to cook tilapia and I stick to it because I’ve tried so many other recipes that I don’t like. With tilapia I find simple is best. And butter, lemon juice and old bay sounds really good. Great little meal Adam.
Thank you, Lea Ann. Tilapia, while not my favorite fish, is very versatile (and cheap). But, like you, I pretty much stick to the basic recipe. Did you know that tilapia was being consumed by the ton long before it became popular a few years ago? It was (and might still be – not sure) the house fish of Red Lobster. Unless you ordered a particular variety from the board or menu, you were served tilapia.
Wow – Foodie Myth Busters – I love it
Thank you!
I love the cauliflower recipe and I did them with teriyaki grilled salmon fillets they work great together the sharpe cheddar and sweet teriyaki and a nice salad with cheery tomatoes great supper dish or light dinner.Try it with a nice bottle of Cloudy Bay Sauvignon blank Enjoy!!!