Food Snob Chronicles – Want to stay well? Avoid green leafy vegetables … and stupid human behavior
If you contracted a food-borne illness between 1998 and 2008, odds are you got it from eating spinach or kale. If that illness sent you to the hospital, it’s most likely that a dairy product was the culprit. And if it killed you? Well, you’d be pulling off quite a feat right now reading this and all, but you probably croaked after eating poultry.
The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention earlier this week released the report linking certain foods to food borne illnesses.
The agency claims the report is not intended to calculate the risk of illness of certain foods, but produce gets much of the blame (46 percent) for food poison cases during the period. Meat (mostly poultry) didn’t fare much better, being blamed for 43 percent of food illness-related deaths.
Though mentioned in the study, neither the CDC nor the mainstream press place the blame where it truly belongs — with human behavior.
Sure, there are certain things that we cannot control. But, I doubt the researchers considered any of the following factors:
- How many people with supposed kale-induced food poisoning didn’t wash their kale? Better yet, how many of them didn’t adequately wash their hands (or their own utensils) before slicing, dicing and eating?
- Of the people who were admitted to the hospital for a food-borne illness, how many of them allowed the tuna salad to sit on the counter overnight before making a sandwich for lunch? What caused the illness? Was it the tuna? Or the mayo?
- So, your uncle died of food poisoning. I’m sorry for your loss. I knew a man who died as a result of food poisoning. He became very sick and refused to go to the doctor. (He thought he had a passing virus.) His family called 9-1-1 when he went into shock with a 107ºF fever. Needless to say, he met up with Marley’s ghost fairly quickly after that.
- While there are exceptions to every rule (I’m reminded of the children who died after eating tainted hamburgers at Jack in the Box back in the 1990s), we generally have the control. For goodness’ sakes, if the mayo at the burger bar is warm — don’t eat it! And, we know that beef is ground on dirty blades. Want your burger rare? Grind the meat at home on your own (clean) meat grinding blades.
Just don’t go blaming the spinach and the chicken for human stupidity.
Foods that really don’t make you sick (or cause lifelong defects)
I was 30 before I realized that my eyes wouldn’t get stuck by crossing them. Honestly, that ticked me off. So many lost opportunities…
So that my eight loyal readers don’t miss similar opportunities, I’ve researched a few food-related lies for your edification. Drink. Eat. And get tummy aches. Life will go on.
Coffee – No, it doesn’t make your knees brown. And if your knees are already brown … well, they’ll remain the same color, no matter how much java you consume.
Carrots – I just recently learned that everyone who ate carrots in 1841 is dead. But don’t let that scare you. Carrots improve vision (at least that’s what it says on the Internet) and Bugs Bunny eats them. One thing, though. We had a neighbor who fed her kid carrot baby food like it was going out of style … the kid turned orange. No kidding.
Cake batter – I’m not one to doubt the CDC. After all, they did such a great job during the AIDS scare of the mid-1980s (not), but I grew up licking the beaters. Eggs and all. Other than a few emotional issues, I’m fine. Come to think of it, raw eggs were also the steroids of the 1970s. Just ask Lou Ferrigno or Rocky Balboa.
Cold hot dogs – I was shocked to see the warning label claiming that the internal temperature must reach blah blah… I’ve eaten no fewer than 8,000 cold hot dogs in my life. I should have died years ago, I suppose.
Lots of candy – A stomach ache? Maybe. But it won’t exactly cause you to contract polio.
Rotten peanuts – I’m not so sure about this one, although I’ve accidentally downed a few. But, remember the song ‘Found a Peanut?’ If you believe the lyrics, you should be worried. Very worried.
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I discovered Thai food in Dallas some years ago. I’ve since eaten it in several major US cities but — believe it, or not — the best Thai food I’ve ever eaten has come from a tiny hole-in-the-wall in my rural east Texas town. Yep. Truth is stranger than fiction sometimes, and I’m addicted to Drunken Noodles.
Now, before you start thinking that I’m drinking with my eating these days, just know that this dish is named for the amount of booze, beer or any variety of unusual cocktails and drinks that must be consumed to ease the sting. If you order this at any Thai joint, make sure you keep the rounds coming. Made at home, you can adjust the heat to match tea-totalers or 9 a.m. drunkards. It’s your call. Either way, this dish is quick, easy and addictive (in a non-alcohol sort of way).
Drunken Noodles
No worries. This recipe contains no booze. But it goes really well with beer or moonshine.
1/2 lb – boneless pork, cut into thin strips and velveted* or pre-stir fried
3/4 cup – White mushrooms, cleaned and sliced
3/4 cup – Fresh broccoli florets
1/3 cup – Snow peas, sliced in half
1 medium – Carrot, peeled and sliced thinly
1/2 cup – Red Bell pepper, sliced thinly
1 can (cup) – Baby corn, sliced in half
1 small – Shallot, diced
3 – Garlic cloves, minced
5-6 Leaves – Fresh Basil
Sambal Oelek (Chile Garlic Paste)**
2 TB – Vegetable oil
1/3 cup – Dark soy sauce
1/4 cup – Oyster sauce
2 TB – Brown sugar
12 oz – Noodles
Chopped peanuts (optional)
The meat
Velvet the meat. Set aside.
The Noodles
- If using flat rice noodles, soak 10 oz. of the noodles in warm water for about 15 minutes. Boil for about 30 seconds. Strain. Rinse in cold water. Set aside.
- If using traditional pasta (such as lasagna, pappardelle or tagliatelle), follow instructions for cooking until al dente. Rinse in cold water. Set aside.
- If using eggroll wrappers, slice squares into threes. Boil for about 15 seconds. Rinse with cold water. Set aside.
Make the sauce
Combine soy and oyster sauces, and brown sugar.
Cook the vegetables
In a large skillet or wok, heat the vegetable oil over the medium-high setting. Add the broccoli, snow peas, carrots and corn. Stir fry until crisp tender, about 2 minutes.
Add shallots, garlic, mushrooms and Sambal Oelek**. Continue to stir fry for another 2 minutes. Add velveted meat, sauce, Basil and noodles. Stir and cover. Heat for another 2-3 minutes, stirring once or twice during cooking.
Top with chopped peanuts, if desired.
Serves four.
* Velveting is a technique commonly used in Chinese restaurants. It works well in this Thai dish too. Whisk 1 TB soy sauce, 4 TB cornstarch and 1 egg white in a medium bowl. Add sliced pork and toss to coat well. Set aside for about 10 minutes (or in refrigerator for 20-30 minutes). Deep fry for about 30 seconds.
**You might prefer buzzed or stone drunk noodles. Adjust Sambal Oelek accordingly.
Can’t see worth a lick and I hate carrots. Soooo….
I’ve always known that you’re blind.
I think you’re a great looking guy, by the way. You remind me of Brad Pitt in a way.
And you remind me of Nicole Kidman.
Just re-upped my food managers safe serve certification….ick. 8 hours of this stuff.
It is pretty easy…wash and cook your food. Buy carefully and don’t take your kids to fast food….well ok…try not to.
Amen, Connie. And, for crying out loud, the floor might look clean, but it’s not clean enough to eat off of!
yes…there is no five second rule…..that is for lazy cooks and crazy people….
I have a friend whose toddler turned into an Oompa Loompa sans green hair due to the overage of carrot thing. Yeah, it’s true. I adore Thai food. This dish looks fantastic, Adam. I would definitely have it for breakfast. Just spoon mine over a bowl of rice. i’ll take a Diet Coke over the booze though. At least until lunch time.
Oh, I believe it. The next door neighbor kid at our NJ home looked like he bathed in orange-colored Kool-Aid. His mom was weird though. She probably went for that effect.
Yummm…..and I learned something new today, Thanks for the lesson on “velveting” !
Woo hoo, Brenda! Thanks for stopping by.
Orange…that would be a nice color to be as a kid. The Thai dish looks delish!!! I’m not sure I could actually cook this though. I’m a horrible cook, but that’s probably because I hate to cook. Haha!!!!
Well then, Amber. Go to the Little Thai House and order this. (Just tell them you don’t want it so spicy, because it’s like eating fire.)
I too have the ultimate Thai food experience from a very small Southern town, hole-in-the- wall.kinda place (at least from the outside it looks like that). There is just nothing that compares and my mother orders me to take her there when she comes to visit. and all I can say is, “Yes, Ma’am.” lol. Your dish looks amazing, definitely something to try – with the alcohol or wine nearby of course!
Thank you, Renee! What’s up with Southern Thai dives being so good?
You’ve inspired me one more time to try something new – I always wondered what “drunken noodles” was. You did grow up licking the beaters (and the bowl and the mixing spoons) and so did I – apparently something young moms don’t allow these days. Too bad – I just love raw cookie dough, cake batter, and various fillings! I admit I am starting to look older though – one day at a time just like all the non-beater lickers out there!
I still lick the beaters (and bowl and spoon). That might be why my eyelids are permanently turned inside out.
Bad mayo may be a myth too. http://www.chow.com/food-news/54481/will-mayonnaise-give-me-food-poisoning/
and other sites.
Thanks for the info., Scott. I’ve never really worried about mayo for myself. Now I have something to back it up.
Thanks for the laugh this morning. You are right It really is just common sense when it comes to food. Wash your hands, wash your food, cook your food properly, dont cross contaminate……keep properly refrigerated etc etc……..and if it is growing fuzz or looks like a science experiment toss it! Lol… On another note the dish looks great. I hope to make it soon.
Thanks, Shari! The cross contamination thing bothers me sometimes. Obviously, I don’t want to cut up raw calf’s liver and then turn around and use the same knife to butter my toast. However, I used the same knife to cut everything that you see in the (above) photo. Heck, it was all being cooked, so why not?
I agree! Its being cooked!
I have never heard of velveting meat before. Learn something new everyday!
You? I have a hard time believing that. (Because, you are seriously one of my go-to chefs on the Internet.) I actually learned that trick watching Martin Yan do a cooking display at a Macy’s store.
I read the article, too, and it did say (way down toward the bottom) that the vegetable “induced” illnesses were largely due to inadequate sanitation during prep (in not quite those words), meaning the kitchen staff should have been blamed, not the spinach! (And that huge spinach recall a few years ago, was due to using uncomposted cow manure in fertilizer. Yum.)
There’s an article in a horse publication, regarding herbicides used in pastures, then the manure from the cattle, horses, etc., that eat it being used in fertilizer & composts. Seems to be causing a major problem for hay growers and gardeners, since the herbicide is still in the mix after composting. Hopefully it’s not in organic fertilizer/ compost but there’s a very good possibility that it is. In fact, probably more organic gardens than commercial ones, although I understand some of those have been affected, too. (And hay is expensive enough without someone’s use of Roundup or something that hinders or prevents its growth!)
Sunny H I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. – Hippolyte Taine
True, Dragonfur. I guess my main problem is with the headline.
I hope all is well on the farm.
Common sense is not common. I don’t like the big agricultural way of doing things. Increases the chances of something going wrong. Allows that many more people to handle the food. But as you say, wash the stuff! Cook it! Can’t wait to plant my garden.
And I bought oyster sauce but haven’t had a chance to use it yet but I’m going to make this recipe.
So true! When you grow your own, not only do you know everything about it — from seed to harvest — but gardening is just plain fun. I’ll be prepping some beds this weekend and ordering seed. I already have a hankering for crookneck squash, fresh okra and peppers.
I get a kick out the fact my kids are interested in gardening. The food just tastes so much better.
Looks great, Adam. I knew about velveting the meat, I just didn’t know the term for it. Thanks for learning me somethin new. I might just have to try this on the Egg.
Appreciate it, Jason. This would work like a dream on the Egg.
OMG … You had me ROFLAO … One of your best posts yet
Thank you!
Ate tons of candy (usually in one sitting) as a kid and all it gave me was a weight problem. The cake batter… now that’s a different story. I ended up in therapy there. Of course, that could have had something to do with the fact that my mother gave me the beater when it was still running. My tongue is still spiraled…
Candy never caused me weight gain — until I began to deep fry it and serve it with gravy. As for your spiraled tongue, I have to apologize. I always just thought that you slurred your words because of the booze. My bad.
Shhhhh, I’m trying *HIC* to keep that a secret!
Lol…
Kale washing? Pah, that’s for wimps! lovely recipe. I hope you washed that broccoli…
Oops!
Wow velveting meat? What
– I imagine a book covered in silky meat 
Great post!
Cheers
CCU
Thanks! Nice to see you!
What? No mention of the people who share their ice cream cones w/their dogs then give you a lecture on how a dog’s mouth is cleaner than a person’s…I don’t know about your dog but I’ve seen where my dog licks as well as how well she cleans up the yard after the deer have gone through. Although I do have to say that the year Lola licked the turkey at my sister in law’s one Thanksgiving I didn’t mention it to anyone (other than Niki & just told her to pass on the skin).
This Drunken Noodle dish looks awesome although I’d definitely have to ramp down the fire for myself. One thing, when you velvet the meat…I’m picturing possibly an image of Elvis appearing.
What, Diane? You mean a dog’s mouth is not cleaner than a human’s? But seriously, I don’t know what imbecile started that whole rumor. In fact, a dog’s mouth (and presumably other areas) contains certain bacteria that fight off the stuff found in roadkill, rotten leftovers and the neighbor’s yard. — It’s funny that you mention Elvis, because I was velveting pork strips and several of them formed into the shape of Elvis’ bottom lip.
I’m a total freak, constantly thinking that I’m sick or about to get sick. I always overcook my meat for fear of salmonella or ecoli poisoning. I went to Mexico last year for the first time and was fearful every single moment that I’d get food poisoning. I was militant in how and what I ate. Although I was (mentally) sick with anxiety, I wasn’t one of the ten in my party who DID become violently ill (I blame the incredibly suspect hamburger patties that had been sitting under a heat lamp yet were enthusiastically consumed. I mean, c’mon people!). I love Thai food but there aren’t many good Thai restaurants around so thanks for this yummy recipe!
After reading your response, I have just one question: Who the hell travels to Mexico to eat hamburgers? That’s like going to Italy and eating at a KFC. (Hopefully, you lectured to your friends that they should have stuck with the dog tacos.) As it goes, I’ve been to Mexico numerous times (coastal and interior) and have never suffered an illness. And I’ve bought from street vendors who looked like international terrorists.
I KNOW! And one of said friends who got a tad sick blamed the amazing freshly grilled meats that we ate at a local taqueria. I was like, “You’ve got to be kidding!”
Most especially avoid stupid people – now THAT’s the way to stay healthy. oh yeah, and lots of hot wings…your dish looks good. I thnk it is going to be supper one night next week.
Hot wings… and beer.. Lots of both!
Oh yeah…hot wings, teriyaki wings (check my post on teriyaki), fried wings…..wings, the perfect food.
This post is just full of fun and good information. I agree about all the self inflicted food and stomach issues. More examples of people not taking responsibility. And I had to LOL over the cold hotdogs. My mom and I used to eat them cold when I was a kid. ohmy. I’m blaming a lawyer for the temperature directions. Thai food: Absolutely my favorite. How did I ever live without the cilantro/coconut milk/lime combo. We’ve got a couple good places here in Denver. And how lucky to have a good spot in your small town. How the heck did that happen??? I really want to try this recipe soon. I even have some Sambal Oelek in the fridge. (I feel so smart over that)
Go for it, Lea Ann! And when you want to grow your own Kaffir Lime (C. hystrix) tree, let me know. (I’ll send you some fruit.)